Sex Can Save Our Lives

Loneliness epidemic

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8 March 2024

Have you ever had the experience of being in a crowded place, maybe a lively concert or bar, yet felt utterly alone or disconnected? Loneliness is a pervasive experience in modern life. It’s such a concern that Vivek Murthy, the U.S. Surgeon General, declared it an epidemic, and in his report on the subject stated, “lack of social connection can have significant economic costs to individuals, communities, and society”1.

WHAT IT COSTS US

The consequences of chronic loneliness are profound. Studies have shown loneliness to have a comparable impact as obesity and can increase the risk of premature death by as much as smoking 15 cigarettes a day. It can increase the risk of early mortality by 26%, and is linked to acute stress responses and reduced immunity. Loneliness can also lead to increased risk for anxiety and depression, chronic pain, and a 29% increased risk of developing coronary heart disease, and a 32% increased risk of having a stroke2.

The Good News

Okay, that’s pretty heartbreaking. And statistically there is a good chance that people reading this have experienced some degree or version of loneliness. But you are not alone, even if it feels that way sometimes.

Dr. Molly Maloof, an expert in female biohacking, agrees that, “Loneliness increases the risk of depression, cognitive decline, the progression of dementia, higher cortisol in the morning, illness and premature death”, and that abundant research shows that the most effective biohack isn’t a cold shower or a magical supplement, but something much more intimate and personal – learning to love yourself3.

Now, “loving yourself more” is a big topic, and it’s kind of abstract, but it is the very core of my work. How do we learn to love ourselves more? The process can include work around resistance, our relationship to uncertainty, complementary opposites, limiting beliefs, claiming your wants and needs and many more – too many to cover in one blog post, but if you’re interested in exploring this more, please reach out.

Sex for Health

Now where were we? Ah yes, discussing how to overcome loneliness and achieve ecstatic pleasure and vibrant health through self-love. In my last post I talked about the importance of embodiment for experiencing pleasure. To recap, if you’re disconnected from your body, and all its wild emotions and sensual feelings, the experience of pleasure in your life will feel like it’s on mute. It’s lost to us. In some cases we are so cut-off from ourselves and our nervous systems are so dysregulated that we literally can’t feel pleasure, or stop seeking it. This is typical of sexual and social anhedonia, and I’ve heard numerous women express that they’ve “lost their spark” and “feel no desire at all”.

We have to build the foundations for pleasure to flourish. Your brain and body need to relax. Feeling safe and embodied is crucial because we can’t access our emotional wisdom without it. We have to recondition our nervous systems, which are often used to operating on adrenaline, anxiety, and avoidance, to become more attuned to sensuality, excitement, and curiosity.

Sexual expression has numerous health benefits. According to legendary sex researcher Beverly Whipple, sexual activity can lead to enhanced longevity, reduced risk of coronary heart disease and type 2 diabetes, decreased stress and inflammation, and lower rates of prostate and breast cancer. It also results in improved immunity, sleep, fertility, mood, self-esteem, and overall well-being and longevity, as well as reduced anxiety, depression, and pain4. Yaaaaay!!

Intimacy, connection and pleasure not only enrich our lives with awe-inspiring experiences but also serve as a potent antidote to anhedonia and loneliness. By embracing our erotic selves, we can cultivate a greater sense of connection and pleasure, ultimately contributing to our overall well being.


  1. chrome-extension://efaidnbmnnnibpcajpcglclefindmkaj/https://www.hhs.gov/sites/default/files/surgeon-general-social-connection-advisory.pdf ↩︎
  2. Campaign to End Loneliness. “Facts and Statistics.” Campaign to End Loneliness, 2023, www.campaigntoendloneliness.org/facts-and-statistics/. ↩︎
  3. Dr. Molly Maloof. The Spark Factor. HarperCollins, 31 Jan. 2023. ↩︎
  4. https://edition.cnn.com/2018/03/01/health/health-benefits-of-sex-parallels/index.html ↩︎

The average person has up to 60,000 thoughts per day - 80% are negative and 95% are repetitive.

No wonder so many of us are exhausted or don’t have clarity because our minds are going non-stop… We can’t think with all that thinking, and we can’t change these thoughts by doing more thinking, yikes!

In this mindset class we learn why and how working with our internal narratives is the first step towards erotic self-care, plus do two quick exercises to start developing your mastery. 


Erotic Self-Care Mini-Class

Mindset Mastery